somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
