Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You need Xanax blowdarts
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
