i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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