he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
