everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
