I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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