So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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