dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
