I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
