She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
