I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize