I could have mohawked her pubes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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