So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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