just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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