I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
