I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
