You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
