so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
