...so i touched it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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