but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
