I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
