nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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