you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
