The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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