Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
