if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
