all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
