dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
