In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry about my life...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
