alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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