your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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