haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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