I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
