I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's never too late to be topless.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
