It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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