I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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