My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize