you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
