he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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