He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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