pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
