I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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