He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
