Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Mom said you looked used
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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