Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
