At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
