those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
