If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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