Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
