Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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