Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
