Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
