at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize