I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
