I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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