This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
