oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was like eating out sand paper
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
