Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
