How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
