Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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