I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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