Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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