Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Life is so much better after having sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
