A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize