My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
