dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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