There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
