the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
